Is it time to let go?

By Sam Stone

‘Who are you?’ said the caterpillar….

‘I – I hardly know, Sir, just at present’ Alice replied rather shyly, ‘at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then’.

Lewis Carrol, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Making sense of change isn’t always easy. Whether you are becoming a new mom, starting a new job or simply experiencing some sort of restructuring in your life – these can be times full of excitement, mystery and adventure; promising many benefits, but as we know, they can also be stressful.

Few people relish in change. I hit a bump in the road when a relationship that I was in came to an end but I wasn’t ready to let go. My inability to move on was unpleasant and the situation tortured me for many years. I looked for new solutions all the time as there must be some way I could get things back on track. I was stuck in a rut and brilliant at wall papering over the cracks, telling myself ‘it’s no big deal, everything’s alright really’, but then anger would rise up in me as my own truths crept in. Numerous times, I sizzled into despair to start the cycle all over again by denying my lived reality. The thing that I missed on so many occasions was acceptance of an ending. Acceptance that, yes, I will miss this and I don’t like the new situation but I will give it a shot anyway.

Leaving the numb

by Angelena Lewis

A woman experiencing abuse lives her life in a state of fear and confusion, unable to predict when the next attack will occur and unable to clearly define who is responsible or why it is happening. She may also become distant from friends and family, and increasingly dependent on her abuser even though his behaviour is offensive. After a while she begins to believe his insults, his version of events, blames herself for the abuse or may even deny it is happening altogether.

Contrary to belief, abused women are not weak or submissive but tremendously strong and resourceful. In fact there have been well -documented parallels between the impact of torture and imprisonment on hostages and victims of domestic violence. 

The Shame Game

Words by Honor Tuttiett

After hearing that today’s theme on Women’s Hour, Radio 4 was going to be about menstruation and the shame that still surrounds it in many cultures, I thought about how interestingly taboo the natural occurrence still is. They focused on last week’s Australia Open where the British tennis player Heather Watson played less than her best and put this down to ‘girl things’. This gave rise to a media storm. How sad it is that one of the most regular experiences for a female is so taboo to be spoken about that it starts an actual frenzy.

A Tampax Advert – Appealing to our sense of shame?

It got me thinking about how I see menstruation myself. I have always prided myself on being a forthcoming woman, speaking honestly about bodily functions if the conversation were to arise. But then my mind forced me to reflect on a niggling memory. Scrolling through my Facebook feed one evening I stumbled across a picture of a drunken, skirt wearing, female acquaintance in an amorous embrace with a man. They were leaning back on a table and any picture observer could see her tampon string clearly protruding from the skirt.

I was shocked, as were the other onlookers by the story the comments told. But I want to focus on why was I shocked. Was it because she was on her period, shamefully having a great time? But I do that myself. Was it because she didn’t remember that this day was one not to show up your skirt to the camera? But I am sure I could be in that position too. Then I realised, it was because I had been affected by period shaming and was now inflicting that on others. The conversation on Woman’s hour flowed well (excuse the pun!) they went from shaming in adverts to sport and then how schools treat this subject.

Finding that most of these industries still address the subject as they did in 50’s. I remember my own experience of being sectioned off from the boys, because obviously this would never enter their lives, and being told to protect myself from leaking- the ultimate shame!

What lesson can we learn from 2014 to make 2015, the year for equality?

Since the turn of the year, I have kept seeing articles about how 2014 was “the best year for women since the dawn of time”. Certainly, we did have a strong year – Malala Yousafzai won the Nobel Peace Prize, Emma Watson stunned the world with the launch of the HeforShe campaign, reminding us all that women’s equality is not just a women’s issue, William Hague teamed up with Angelina Jolie on making rape a war crime and the #YesAllWomen phenomenon reminded us all that social media can have a powerful effect for women to get their voices heard, share their stories and raise support for challenging misogyny and sexism.

For me, 2014 highlighted the growing power of social media and how small individual campaigns about something you feel passionate about can be both explosive and powerful. Take for example, the ice bucket challenge that took over Facebook for at least several months last summer. Who would have thought that throwing a bucket of ice-cold water over your head would have caught on so quickly? The challenge resulted in over 100 million dollars worth of funding to charities supporting those with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Pretty impressive to say the least.

Tackling Taboos

“Talking about what happened to us makes Samuel’s life worthwhile – it’s like it makes him more special”.

When newly expectant mum Sarah went for her 12 week scan, she was told that her baby was OK, but just to make sure she was asked to come back in 3 weeks.

What followed was one of the most emotional few weeks of her, and her husband John’s life where, after test after test, they would discover that their baby had a rare chromosome abnormality and ultimately would not survive the pregnancy.

Sarah explained, “my bump was growing, I had felt him move, I was making milk – everything felt like it was OK. But the doctors could clearly see his heart was squashed right up to his rib cage, his lungs were really flat and that some of his organs hadn’t formed properly. We were told that if he did get to full term (and all the risks that that would hold), he would never be able to breathe.

All of this just blew us away. We were terrified.

The train journey home from hospital that day was just rubbish – we were surrounded by people coming back from work, all boxing around us, and me and John just sat in the corner and cried.”

Paulina Gillespie: everybody wants you to succeed!

Bristol Woman team talks to the woman who has been waking up Bristol and the South West every week day morning for the past 14 years.

In my early days, I spent 10 years in America but after that I got really homesick and wanted to see my family. I then joined my husband in Bulgaria. This was 24 years ago, and it felt slightly odd going from the glamour of the US to the realities of post-Socialist life in Bulgaria! I had always loved Bristol and I kept coming back time and again! My family is from Bath, but I prefer Bristol because I feel I can be more anonymous.

So what is life like for me as a public figure and local celebrity in the South West area? Well, I have 3 daughters – one works with me at Heart, one works for an estate agent, and one has just gone to university this year – so this is going to be a time of transition. It’s going to be just me, the dogs and my husband. It’s great to have the dogs jump with joy and greet me when I come home. My working life can get quite manic! I get up about 3:30am every morning, and I leave the house around 5am. As soon as I get to work, it is full on straight away … what are the latest news items, how’s the traffic, how is weather, who is going to say what on our breakfast programme and so on! If I want to go to the loo, I get a minute to do that. So you can see that by having a chance to walk my dogs in the fields after work, I get that essential quiet time for me, the bit of time that returns me to myself. Being close to nature is amazing. I also have some chickens in the back garden – and I love it!