The Femicide Census

Words by Sian Norris

Regular Blogger for Bristol Woman

In the first three days of 2012, eight women were killed as a result of male violence. Their names were Susan McGoldrick, Tanya Turnbull, Alison Turnbull, Kirsty Treolar, Claire O’Connor, Betty Yates, Kathleen Milward and Marie McGrory. The youngest was 20 years old, the oldest was 87.

We know their names because that week, feminist activist and Chief Executive of NIA, Karen Ingala-Smith, wrote them down.  Shocked at how many women were killed by men in such a short space of time, Karen decided to keep counting. By the end of 2014 she had counted 417 women. Last year, a woman was killed by a man every 2.46 days.

The Intervention Initiative: Changing the culture of a generation

Words By Catherine Phillips

Layla met Will on a night out. He seemed nice and mentioned they had lots of friends in common.

“I had seen him out before but never really talked to him properly,” Layla said. “He was acting normally as far as I could tell. I keep going over and over it in my head as to what I could’ve done differently or whether I should’ve realised something was up or if I did something to make him like he was.”

That night at at the bar Will had seemed upset and asked Layla if they could talk away from his friends.

“I thought his friends had done something to upset him so I agreed and we walked towards the back of the club near the toilets,” continues Layla.

Will then pushed Layla into the toilets and stopped her when she tried to leave. Layla remembers feeling “confused” and “uncomfortable”, which quickly turned to “panic” when Will locked the door.

What lesson can we learn from 2014 to make 2015, the year for equality?

Since the turn of the year, I have kept seeing articles about how 2014 was “the best year for women since the dawn of time”. Certainly, we did have a strong year – Malala Yousafzai won the Nobel Peace Prize, Emma Watson stunned the world with the launch of the HeforShe campaign, reminding us all that women’s equality is not just a women’s issue, William Hague teamed up with Angelina Jolie on making rape a war crime and the #YesAllWomen phenomenon reminded us all that social media can have a powerful effect for women to get their voices heard, share their stories and raise support for challenging misogyny and sexism.

For me, 2014 highlighted the growing power of social media and how small individual campaigns about something you feel passionate about can be both explosive and powerful. Take for example, the ice bucket challenge that took over Facebook for at least several months last summer. Who would have thought that throwing a bucket of ice-cold water over your head would have caught on so quickly? The challenge resulted in over 100 million dollars worth of funding to charities supporting those with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Pretty impressive to say the least.

Paulina Gillespie: everybody wants you to succeed!

Bristol Woman team talks to the woman who has been waking up Bristol and the South West every week day morning for the past 14 years.

In my early days, I spent 10 years in America but after that I got really homesick and wanted to see my family. I then joined my husband in Bulgaria. This was 24 years ago, and it felt slightly odd going from the glamour of the US to the realities of post-Socialist life in Bulgaria! I had always loved Bristol and I kept coming back time and again! My family is from Bath, but I prefer Bristol because I feel I can be more anonymous.

So what is life like for me as a public figure and local celebrity in the South West area? Well, I have 3 daughters – one works with me at Heart, one works for an estate agent, and one has just gone to university this year – so this is going to be a time of transition. It’s going to be just me, the dogs and my husband. It’s great to have the dogs jump with joy and greet me when I come home. My working life can get quite manic! I get up about 3:30am every morning, and I leave the house around 5am. As soon as I get to work, it is full on straight away … what are the latest news items, how’s the traffic, how is weather, who is going to say what on our breakfast programme and so on! If I want to go to the loo, I get a minute to do that. So you can see that by having a chance to walk my dogs in the fields after work, I get that essential quiet time for me, the bit of time that returns me to myself. Being close to nature is amazing. I also have some chickens in the back garden – and I love it!

VAWG & Sexism in Contemporary Culture

Words by Honor Tuttiett

With all this discussion of rape culture lately, it feels as though we are heading in the right direction to becoming properly aware of its significance as a nation. However, with the dawning of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and Girls, Bristol has been preparing some suitably respectful events to mark how far we have still have to go in the fight. In this thought piece, I wish to discuss some of the elements of contemporary life that I believe are holding us back, and preventing us from feeling the full gravitas of the on-going abuse that one in three women are being subjected to.

I was very pleased to see a question chosen on the BBC Free Speech programme last week that concerned abuse against women. This was a powerful subject that had some new thoughts shared about it on live television; progress. However, I have been seeing a clash against this in the young men around me recently. There is a huge rise in a jokingly sexist attitude that stands as a massive hindrance to understanding both sexes. It has been with the prominence of ‘lad’ culture amongst the under thirty males that misogyny is kept mainstream. If you are not aware of this term ‘lad’, it defines a young male that is loud about his ego, jokes about absolutely anything and mainly, is sexist towards women. ‘Lad’ culture, ‘rape’ culture; one jokes about it and the other does it and both seem criminal to me.

Although I believe this isn’t a new attitude amongst young men, perhaps it is becoming a more jarring one as the world becomes increasingly conscious of the importance in equality. I also personally think that it has had deep roots in a loss of masculinity, and see it as an attempt to retain a difference to women through the outright sexist attitude towards them. Of course it is all in the name of ‘banter’… that is their motto and excuse for saying any controversial joke. But they are actually perpetrating a mindset that excludes and damages half the population in a time when they easily could be progressive for equality.

To give reason to this belief, we can look at masculinity throughout history. The main attributes to being masculine that we can clearly see were to be strong, both physically and emotionally, to gather and to provide. However, in the 1^st world today, where can these attributes that masculinity has been built around actually take place? You don’t need to be strong to work at a desk or get food from the super market. You don’t need to solely provide, as women are most often their own providers now, and for children you both are usually earning. So where do these key elements to being masculine go?

I find that this ‘jokily’ sexist culture contributed by the ‘lad’, is also being perpetuated by the music industry. Repeatedly showing explicit male dominance through music videos is one way in which I see archetype masculinity being retained. The recent criticism and fame of controversial songs like Blurred Lines by Robyn Thicke or even more recently, Plan-N-Skillz with Literally I Can’t, have been a huge focus in the media and luckily went too far in their expression of sexism resulting in public focus of the significant issues of racism and misogyny that still go on. The artists have defended their songs as a parody of an already made cliché in music today however; they don’t seem to be demeaning this cliché at all. It is hard to see a parody in the lyrics because they sound just like the songs they are trying to satirise.

 

Another good example of ‘lad’ culture dominating pop cultures themes and expressing their want for sexism to live on is with the adoption of Dapper Laughs on ITV2. It’s show based around the comedian Daniel O’Reilly after he got noticed through releasing Vine videos. When my boyfriend first showed me him, I tried to see the funny side, but found that really this guy is the class nob who has been given air space. It is alarming to me that this guy was given a place on national television,

His show was recently taken off air due to public outrage over jokes he made at the expense of homeless people. The charity Shelter has refused his donations in a way of an apology because he had outraged them so much. Showing the extent that this culture is at odds with the good work being done in the world.

 

It seems that young men are building this culture in order to still define themselves as masculine in a world where there is little place for the old archetypes of masculinity to perform. I see it is a response to the feelings of uselessness that come from these pre-existing expectations of men that can no longer be fulfilled. But the world is waking up to violence against women and I feel how we speak about them is a good place to start looking at for reform.

 

We need to look at why there is a platform for sexism in mainstream media, there has to be a market for it otherwise it wouldn’t be made. So how come in a time when we are becoming ever more conscious of the atrocities sexism brings, are we making the perpetrators rich? And is it this that makes young men think that sexism in speech (even if it is joking) acceptable?

 

Please discuss with me your thoughts.

International Human Rights Day #Rights365

Today is International Human Rights Day! What better way to celebrate it than with a cup of coffee reading Bristol Woman.

It’s never too late to talk

Day 15 of #16Days of action to end violence against women and we bring you a short piece from SARSAS (Somerset and Avon Rape and Sexual Assault Support) who today are launching a campaign to improve awareness and understanding of sexual consent – check out the campaign website – http://www.pauseplaystop.org.uk or tweet using the hashtag #igetconsent.

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Up until a few years ago, the sexual abuse I suffered throughout my childhood was a faded memory. There had been times in my late teens when I struggled with the consequences of it and I talked to adults outside my family. As I got older and had my own family, the only time I ever thought about it was when the subject was brought up by someone else, for example, a news item or a storyline in a television drama. I would always turn it off immediately and then dismiss it. When the family member involved died 5 years ago, I thought that chapter of my life had been put to rest.

Everything changed when I found out that someone else in my family had been abused by him too and was in a very bad way. Knowing that he’d done it to someone else completely changed the way I viewed him and my perspective on what happened to me. It turned me upside down – I felt sick, confused and tearful and didn’t know what I was supposed to do to make myself feel better.

I have since had face-to-face counselling and a lot of telephone support from the SARSAS (Somerset and Avon Rape and Sexual Abuse Support) helpline. When I thought I was the only one it had happened to, I didn’t really view it as proper abuse. There was no violence or threats, I truly believed that he thought he had made a mistake and would never do it again and because I had every opportunity to stop it, but didn’t, I thought I was partly to blame.  Counselling enabled me to see the abuse for what it really was and now, I don’t blame myself for any of it.

I would have said a few years ago, what would be the point of talking about it, it’s in the past, it can’t be changed, just move on. While that is true and you can’t change what happened, sexual trauma can have a deep impact on your life, maybe in how you view yourself, your emotions and relationships. Talking about it can help you deal with any lasting effects from the horrible experience, because it is horrible and it’s wrong to see it any other way. I wish now that I hadn’t waited for a trigger before I talked properly to someone about it.  It would have been much easier to have talked when I hadn’t felt so desperate. I think it would have been a much smoother path.

If all the recent publicity has made you think about it, organisations like SARSAS have trained female counsellors that you can tell anything to – they won’t judge you and they will always be on your side.

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Violence against women and girls:

If you have experienced domestic and/or sexual violence help and support is available across Bristol. To find out more check out the Bristol Against Violence and Abuse website http://www.bava.org.uk/ or for information sexual violence support call SARSAS on freephone 0808 801 0456 and for domestic violence support call the National Domestic Abuse helpline freephone 0808 2000 247.

• If you are supporting someone who has experienced domestic and/or sexual violence it may be hard to know what to say or do to help. It’s okay to not have all the answers; non-judgmental listening and simply being there can be a wonderful support. Let your loved one know that you care, that you don’t blame them, and that you believe in them. If you want more support with this many of the services for survivors will be able to advise you too.

How to help in general:

get involved in campaign groups like the Fawcett Society http://www.bristolfawcett.org.uk/

• get the men in your life to join the White Ribbon campaign http://www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/
• support the #heforshe campaign – more information found here – http://www.heforshe.org/
• call out street harassment and rape culture when you see it. For ideas about how to be a safe but proactive bystander check out the Hollaback campaign http://www.ihollaback.org/take-action/
• volunteer or fundraise for one of the many fantastic charities who are support women and girls in Bristol who have experience domestic and/or sexual violence.

 

Domestic Violence takes many forms (part 2)

As I mentioned in our last gallery post, for our #16Days of blogs on #VAWG, we asked one of Bristol Woman’s photographers, Sophie Merlo to capture some of the many forms of domestic violence.

Domestic abuse does not always have to be violent – there are many different types of domestic abuse, including emotional, psychological, physical, sexual and financial abuse. Many abusers behave in ways that include more than one type of domestic violence and the boundaries between these behaviours can often be blurry.

One of our aims of the #16Days blog posts is to demonstrate that domestic violence is still common in the UK and not something that you think necessarily happens to the “woman next door”. Domestic violence transcends stereotypes and so, we bring you another small collection from Sophie’s shoot to highlight that violence doesn’t always come from the places or people that you might stereotypically expect – it can happen to anyone.

In Bristol alone,  14,273 women and girls aged 16-59 are estimated to have been a victim of domestic abuse in 2013 and 68,800 women in Bristol are likely to experience domestic violence in their lifetime. These figures are shocking, and as part of the #16Days, we ask for you to #riseup, share and trigger action to make our fellow citizens aware of the extent of domestic abuse so that we can aim to eradicate this within a generation. #playyourpart to end violence against women.

Domestic Violence & Me: Shani

My name is Shani and myself and my daughter asked our Housing Officer if we could be rehoused who then referred me onto Next Link. My ex-partner, who no longer lived with me, continually came to the house harassing me and had attacked me the weekend previously. The police had been called but my ex had run away and so had not yet been arrested. The Housing Oficer rang Next Link and we were able to accommodate both myself and my daughter into one of our safehouses.

The emotional, verbal and mental abuse started not long after I had moved into my partners’ house. A few times, I invited my family and friends over, but my partner did everything he could think of to humiliate me in front of them. This included refusing to speak to them, watching films of a sexual nature in front of them, and always starting a huge family row.

At first, I made excuses for his behaviour, such as saying he was shy or stressed with work, but eventually when they stopped coming to visit he said it was because my family did not like me. I felt isolated, and had no one to support me to understand why he behaved in the way he did. Eventually, I became convinced my family and friends no longer cared. It was at this point that he started to threaten violence if I did not behave or dress the way he wanted her to. Myself and my daughter were very frightened; our lives became about trying not to upset him. We tried to do everything he asked of us, and tried to guess how he might be feeling to avoid confrontation, but he would always find something to complain about and the violence would be repeated. Afterwards, he would say he was sorry, convince me it would not happen again. Each time he would be more convincing than the last time. Sometimes after weeks of the violence not happening, I thought he was telling the truth and had changed.

Anyway, now we have been re-housed. My daughter received help from the Resettlement Children’s Worker who helped to get her settled into a new school, and I am hoping to start college in the New Year. Because of the help and support I received from Next Link and the Housing Office, I can now think and be positive about my future.

Who are Next Link?

Next Link are a local charity who work closely with a variety of partners to provide support to victims of domestic abuse. They help victims who wish to stay at home where it is safe enough to do so by arranging for information markers to be placed on properties by the Police and by applying for a range of civil remedies including non-molestation and occupancy orders.

Where it is not safe for a victim and their family to remain in their home, they help find alternative safe temporary accommodation and work closely with Bristol City Council’s Housing Department to secure permanent accommodation. They work closely with the Police, Criminal and Civil Justice systems and a range of health workers including GPs, health visitors, and Community Psychiatric Nurses.

Their services include a crisis response service working with victims same day in response to incidents to make them safe, a safe-house service with 7 safehouses across the city and a resettlement and tenancy support service offering support to victims living in the community. They also have our Northern ARC service supporting victims in Lawrence Weston, Southmead, Henbury, and their Southern ARC service supporting victims in Knowle West, Withywood, Hartcliffe and Bishopsworth.

They have dedicated BME support workers offering bilingual support for South Asian, Somalia and Polish victims of domestic abuse and Forced Marriage. They have dedicated Children’s safehouse and resettlement services supporting children and young people who have been living in families experiencing domestic abuse.

In 2013-14 they supported over 2393 families who were victims of domestic abuse and rape and sexual assault.

To find out more check out the Bristol Against Violence and Abuse website http://www.bava.org.uk/ 

Photo: Sophie Merlo

Models: Michelle Lee and Horace Silver

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE IN BRISTOL – A PERSONAL VIEW

Words by Lesley Welch,  a long-time activist, trainer and front-line practitioner in the prevention of domestic violence and abuse

Well, sisters, it’s bad everywhere and Bristol is no exception. I am often asked if domestic violence and abuse is on the increase, as people see more and more about it in the press, TV and internet. The bad news is that the latest published figures showed that there were 7,500 domestic violence and abuse incidents reported to Bristol police in one year (2010-11), but this is less than one-third of what probably actually happened. The good news is that there is evidence that domestic violence and abuse reduced, at least from 2001 to 2008.

But I worry that some people are complacent about the situation. The good news here is that the Bristol Quality of Life survey showed that, compared to when the Council first asked in 2008, fewer people now see domestic violence as a private matter and that a high proportion of people recognise it as coming from power and control. The bad news is that from my experience of talking to people, including to my local Neighbourhood Partnership in Bishopston, Redland and Cotham, that too many people think that only poor people do this and not wealthy. Not true!

We have come a long way in Bristol and the publicity campaigns marking the November 25th Elimination of Violence Against Women day this year will be no exception. More and more professionals in all sorts of agencies are prepared to listen and give support. As we face another round of budget cuts in April 2014, owe need to concentrate on giving true quality of service to survivors of domestic violence and abuse, and their children, and giving a clear message of zero tolerance to abusers.

When elections come round in May 2015, this is one of the few chances we have to ask probing questions and vote for the people who undertake to deliver. We all have a responsibility – in our own families, with our work colleagues, behind the closed doors of our friends’ and neighbours’ homes – there is something that we can all do to end the misery of domestic violence and abuse.